


What Have I Done?

by Random_Soul



Series: Aaron Burr x Hamilsquad [18]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Explicit Language, Fighting, Gen, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Holly Poly, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Polyamorous Alexander Hamilton, Polyamorous Character, Polyamorous Pack, Polyamory, Polyphobic Language?, i don't know how to explain it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Soul/pseuds/Random_Soul
Summary: Lafayette was just mad. Still, it hurts.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Aaron Burr/Everyone, Aaron Burr/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Aaron Burr/Hercules Mulligan, Aaron Burr/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton/Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, John Laurens/Hercules Mulligan
Series: Aaron Burr x Hamilsquad [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586617
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132





	What Have I Done?

**Author's Note:**

> So, I looked up polyamory struggles and one of the first things that came up was several articles about how polyamory is just an excuse not to commit. Other articles consisted of how people say that they are polyamory when, in reality, they are using it as an out of cheating without being frowned upon. This is an idea I will definitely be exploring in the future. Be prepared to meet people who will fall into both think the group can't commit and will claim to in a polyamory relationship, but are not. I'm actually excited.

Lafayette takes a deep breath as Hercules rubs his back. His phone has his mother’s number dialed in and he only had to click call. John, Aaron, and Alex were all in the living room, supporting him. It was now or never. He hit call.

“Bonjour? (Hello?)”

“Bonjour maman. Je voulais te dire quelque chose si ça va. (Hello, mom. I wanted to tell you something if that's alright.)”

“Bien sûr, ma chérie. Qu'Est-ce que c'est? (Of course, sweetheart. What is it?)”

“Tu sais comment je t'ai dit que j'étais homosexuel? Je suis aussi polyamour. (Well, you know how I told you that I'm homosexual? I'm also polyamory.)”

“...Quelle? (...What?)”

“Je sors actuellement avec quatre hommes. (I'm currently dating four men.)”

“...”

“Maman?”

“J'allais bien quand tu es devenu gay avec moi. J'allais bien quand vous avez dit que vous préfériez aller à l'école et vivre en Amérique qu'avec votre propre famille. Mais sortir avec quatre hommes? Je ne l'aurai pas! Mon fils ne va pas être une salope qui a quatre copains parce qu'il est trop pute pour en être heureux! Je ne veux plus avoir de vos nouvelles tant que vous ne vous rendez pas compte que vous ne devriez avoir qu'un seul autre significatif. Dois-je être clair!? (I was fine when you came out as gay to me. I was fine when you said you would rather go to school and live in America than with your own family. But dating four men? I will not have it! My son is not going to be some slut who has four boyfriends because he is too much of a whore to be happy with one! I do not want to hear from you again until you realize that you should only have one significant other. Do I make myself clear!?!)”

“Maman-”

“DOIS-JE ME RENDRE CLAIR!?! (DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?!)”

“Oui, Maman.”

“Au revoir. (Goodbye.)” And with that, the phone goes silent. Lafayette feels the tears well up in his eyes. His mom has always supported him. She has held him on nights where awful nightmares awaken him. She has taught him how to be a person. And now… Now he lost all of it. He lost the person who meant the world to him and who he wanted to make proud. He stands up.

“Laf, I’m sorry-”

“She supported me through coming out! Why is this different!?!”

“Lafayette, polyamory relationships are looked down upon, even in the LGBTQ+ community. People say that being polyamorous is just an excuse to not commit.”

“My own mother called me a slut!”

“I understand. My own father-”

“Was never close to you! You didn’t have to go through the heartbreak of him giving up on you because he gave up on you since the beginning!” John pulls his hand back, hurt. He knows that Laf is just mad and that’s understandable. Still, it hurts when he rubs salt on a wound that’s been around since childhood. Alex is the next to attempt to calm Laf.

“We’re still here for you. We won’t go anywhere-”

“If you did, I could be with my mom, now couldn’t I!?!”

“Laf, you’re hurting them.”

“Really Hercules? That’s your concern!?!”

“I’m sure she just needs time to process the information-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, AARON! YOU NEVER EVEN HAD A MOM!”

The room goes deathly silent. Aaron’s shoulders slump and his head drops down. He gets up, leaving the house without grabbing shoes, wallet, phone, nothing. Not even the keys. All eyes slowly turn back to Laf, who had a shocked expression on his face as his mind catches up with his words. Lafayette bolts out the door and looks around. Aaron is nowhere to be seen.

“AARON! AARON, PLEASE!”

“He couldn’t have gotten far. Both cars are still here.” Lafayette pays no attention to the words and looks around. There has to be something telling him where Burr ran off to. Yet, there was nothing. As if the skies themselves felt Laf’s pain, rain began to fall. Hercules looks up.

“Come on. Let’s get in the car and drive-” Lafayette bolts. No, he doesn’t know in what direction and he doesn’t know where he’s going. But he can’t lose Aaron. He couldn’t live with himself if he did.

“Laf!” John calls out, going to follow him. However, Hercules places a hand on his shoulder.

“Laf is the fastest of all of us. There’s no way we can catch up to him. He still has his phone, so we can get a hold of him. Right now, we need to find Burr.”  
______________________________________________________________________________

The rain is pouring, now. Laf has been running the streets of New York for the past two hours and still has found zero sign of his boyfriend. Is boyfriend the right word? It was, but maybe not anymore. Lafayette feels more tears come out. He’s ruined everything, just because of his feelings. Aaron was always good at controlling his emotions. That was usually okay but got scary on days Aaron’s anxiety and depression came at him full force. For not the first time, Lafayette questions if Aaron has taken his life. If he did, Laf may just join him. How could you forgive yourself when he killed the person you love? Lafayette sits on a park bench. In front of him is the place where the five of them had their first date.

~Flashback~

Laf looked over at Aaron. Laf and his three boyfriends were eating ice cream in the park. Aaron seemed to be reading a book on a blanket by a deeper part of the river. A week ago, the group made a decision to ask Aaron out on a date and, hopefully, ask him to join their relationship. Lafayette nudges John.

“We should go ask Aaron out on a date.” John looks over.

“Yeah, I’m down. You two in?”

“Sure.”

“Why not.” The smile Laf gives them clues all three in that he’s got something up his sleeve. John and Alex smile as well and Hercules just shakes his head. “Why do I have a feeling we’re not getting a second date?”

“We’ll see.” Lafayette stands up, making his way to Aaron. “Bonjour, Aaron.”

“Hello. How are you four doing?”

“Good. We actually had a question to ask you.”

“What’s up?”

“Would you like to go on a date with us?” Aaron’s face gets beat red as he looks at the others.

“I-uh-uhm… I don’t…” Burr takes a breath, seemingly organizing his thoughts. “I would love to.”

“Great how does swimming sound?”

“Swimming sounds great.” Lafayette smiles. He bends down and picks Aaron up. “Wait- What are you doing!?!”

Lafayette throws him directly into the river.

Alex breaks out into laughter, then runs in to where Aaron is wiping water off his face.

“You are lucky I didn’t have my phone in my pocket. You would’ve had-” Aaron is cut off by Alex flinging himself on him, making him lose balance and fall in once more. Laf smiles as both John and Hercules join the other two. Lafayette’s heart felt full of love. He wouldn’t trade this for the world.

~Flashback over~

Gilburt felt more tears well up with the memory. Why did he have to ruin this? He’s cut off from his thoughts by his phone ringing. Laf picks up before even seeing who called him.

“Did you find him?”

“No.”

“Thomas?”

“Your boyfriends are worried about you.”

“Do they know where Aaron is?”

“Not yet. We have James, me, the Schuylers, Theodosia, the Washingtons, Lee, and Seabury looking, though.”

“And still nothing.”

“No…” There was silence for a few minutes. “Lafayette, where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

“I’m not going until someone finds him.”

“I can hear you in the rain. You’ll be no good to anyone if you have hypothermia.”

“I don’t care. Call me when you find him.” And with that, Lafayette hung up. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his head in between them. “What have I done?”  
______________________________________________________________________________

When Aaron Burr left the house, he knew exactly where he wanted to go. Where he needed to go. He cut through their backyard and made a beeline towards his destination. He knew Lafayette was just angry and hurt. He knew Lafayette didn’t mean it. However, he did need parental comfort. He walked through the gates just as it began to sprinkle. He sat down on the dirt and leaned onto the stone.

“Hey, mom. I’m sorry if it’s not respectful to sit on your grave. I just need a hug. Are you watching? I hope not. You’re probably mad at Lafayette. Please, don’t be. He’s so sweet and kind and has helped me out so much. He didn’t mean to hurt me. I think I’m gonna bring them here to meet you and dad. I know I haven’t, yet. This is my safe haven. But, we have been together for two years now, so maybe it’s about time.” Aaron looks up as the rain begins to fall even harder. Maybe I should head home. They're probably looking for me. What do you say? I don’t have my wallet or anything. On second thought, I’m gonna go to the local bookstore to calm down a bit more. I want to be okay when I face Gil, again. I don’t want him to know how bad he hurt me. It’ll destroy him.”

Aaron ran to the bookstore and spent an hour there, just reading. He was feeling okay and like he could survive. However, he did want to take a long way home. A walk, even in the rain, is always nice. He takes the back streets through the area and listens to the rain fall. He saw the park. The park was always a calming place for Aaron, it containing a tree he would sit in and gaze at the stars when he was younger. Aaron began to walk the paths created throughout the grass. He goes to the spot where the group asked him out on a date for the first time. It was also the time he got chucked into freezing water. Burr smiles. He turns around.

The sight he saw broke his heart.

Lafayette was sitting on a bench with his head buried in his arms. He had the same clothes he had on a few hours ago. Much like Aaron, he didn’t have shoes on. However, Aaron had fluffy socks on and stayed mainly on the grass to avoid his feet getting too bad. Laf didn’t seem to have that preservation. His feet were full of dirt and rocks, all scraped up from, what Aaron assumed was, running. His hair is barely in its bun, almost all of it has fallen out and is covering his face. He’s shaking. Aaron assumed it was the cold. Burr gives a sad smile.

“Hello, Lafayette.” Laf’s head shoots up. If Aaron thought the rest of his was in bad shape, his face was a completely different level. His eyes were puffy, lip was bloody from biting, and Aaron could see how broken he was. Lafayette goes to grab onto Aaron then, seemingly remembering what happened, pulled back. He curled up and began to rock himself.

“Aaron, je suis désolé. Je suis vraiment désolé.” Laf continues to mumble apologies in French, almost like a chant. Aaron sighs and pulls Lafayette’s face up to make eye contact.

“I forgave you as soon as you said it.” Aaron watches the tears gather back in Laf’s eyes. He pulls Burr into his lap, wrapping himself around his boyfriends as if to protect him from the world. Aaron feels Lafayette’s phone vibrates. He pulls it out of his pocket without breaking contact. Burr opens it and sends a text to their boyfriends.

‘At the park.’  
______________________________________________________________________________

Alex stares at his phone, hoping for something. Thomas said that he talked to Laf, so they know he’s still alive. But Aaron? There’s been nothing. Hercules has been driving them around town with John in the back to keep an eye out. Alex, himself, has been put in charge of leading the scout team. Each person has been designated an area, yet there’s nothing. They left a note on the front door for Aaron to text them, in case he went home without them knowing. It hasn’t worked yet. His phone dings. Alex immediately brightens up at the text.

“Lafayette’s at the park.” John looks at Alex as Hercules makes a sharp turn, heading that way.

Ten minutes later, they’ve reached the park. Each person grabs one of the umbrellas they keep in the back and begin to head out. John sees him first.

“There he is. He’s on the bench.” John squints through the rain. Is that? “Aaron’s on his lap.”

Both John and Alex let go of their umbrellas, bolting over to the other two. Each one gets on a side and hugs the other two close. Hercules kneels on the ground in front of them. He places the umbrella in the crook of Laf’s arm to keep them dry. He joins the awkward hug, holding them close.

They’ll be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I'm supposed to go out of town on Thursday and be out for several days, so I may not update the rest of this week. I'll still try to update New World, but I might get too busy to do that. Sorry.


End file.
